I was in Kmart the other day – taking a break from Wal-Mart for a while – and they’ve got their Christmas decorations out already. My first thought was, “Good grief! It isn’t even Halloween yet! You’re already getting ready for Christmas?” But then I thought that was probably too close to “Bah! Humbug!” and decided that maybe I should just get into the spirit of things. So, I decided to write out my Christmas list.
Now, according Amy Grant, when you’re a grown-up you are supposed to ask for things like World Peace for Christmas. Well, no offense to Amy, but screw that! First of all, asking for that sort of thing isn’t very practical. Even if you could wrap that, it would never fit under my tree. Second, I’m not just a grown-up, I’m also a total nerd. Nerds don’t wish for things like World Peace, they want really cool expensive toys with lots of flashy lights that make beep beep noises. So, with that in mind, and without further ado, here is:
My Grown-Up Nerd Christmas List
- The JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank – What nerd worth his nerdiness hasn’t wanted a Jabba the Hutt sail barge? I live in the desert, so this would be perfect for me. If you buy this for me, be sure to pick up a Princess Leia Slave Girl outfit to go with it. I think I might be able to convince TR to wear it.
- The Gorilla Fez - Absolutely the coolest fez I’ve ever seen. I hear fez’s are making a comeback this year… I wasn’t aware that they’d ever gone out.
- Cat Armor – The world is a dangerous place, and I love my cat too much to want her to go around outside unprotected.
- Alien Abduction Lamp – Quite possibly the most awesome lamp ever created. You should buy this just so you can watch me argue with my wife about whether to put it in the living room or in a box in the garage.
- Super Deformed Star Wars Plush Toys – Any of these will do really. But keep in mind that I’ve got a pretty good Darth Vader collection going.
- Fireplace I – I would totally roast marshmallows on my coffee table if I had one of these.
- Anything From Archie McPhee – I don’t know if there’s anything from this place that I wouldn’t like.
- Dragon Bag – I have absolutely no use for something like this… but I’d walk around with it on just for fun.
- Darth Vader Costume – Okay, you can’t actually buy a Darth Vader costume by clicking on that link, but if you click on that link you’ll see why I want a Darth Vader costume.
- Starbucks Caffeine Inhaler – This would save me so much time.
Well, that’s pretty much it… Well. I suppose I could use some new underwear. Other than that, if can think of anything else, I’ll let you know. If you need shipping instructions, please drop me a note and I’ll get them to you.
October 17, 2007 at 9:24 am |
Don’t forget the 8-bit tie!
http://www.thinkgeek.com/apparel/hats-ties/9352/
And while I’m sure the Caffeine Inhaler is a joke, it wouldn’t surprise me if someone attempted it. Our generation is such a bunch of hop-heads, I’m surprised we haven’t already invented a way to bypass the actual joy of drinking coffee and instead simply dump the drugs straight into our system.
Starbucks needs to sell IV drips. People would SO buy that.
October 17, 2007 at 10:31 am |
The 8-bit tie is awesome! Add that to the list…
You’ve nailed it about bypassing the “joy of drinking coffee.” There is now caffeinated soap so you can wake up in the shower. Good grief! Where will it end?
October 18, 2007 at 10:18 pm |
Saw the referral and had to see what was written… and just so you know, the Gorilla will be making another appearance soon. (as well as the ‘Dead Monkey Skull’ fez!)
Stay Tuned.
October 19, 2007 at 6:45 am |
Hey Joe! Glad you stopped by. “Dead Monkey Skull” sounds like a good design. Can’t wait to see it (though my youngest daughter, who loves monkeys (live ones), would probably not like it).