Overheard In My Living Room III

Me: Hon, I’ve been thinking I’d like to get a Wacom tablet.
TR: That would be cool. I think you should.
Me: Really?
TR: I’ll tell you what. You can get a Wacom tablet, if you let me buy a new couch and love seat.
Me: Let me get this straight. If I let you spend $1500 on something you want, you’ll let me spend $300 on something I want?
TR: Yep.
Me: That sounds fair.

Apologies For My Present

Sorry, no post today. To quote D.P. Gumby, “My brain hurts!” But here’s something completely different to keep you entertained for a few minutes:

Apologies For My Past Pt. IV

Mom? Dad? This apology is to you, and to society at large.

You see, when I was 17, I stayed at John’s house one night when his parents were away and we got drunk. Really drunk. Then we went out driving. Yes, I was a drunk driver. I’m ashamed. I should have known better… Okay… well, we didn’t exactly drive… we played Pole Position on John’s computer all night… but that’s kind of the same thing… and we did crash a lot… and I felt really guilty about it.

Overheard In My Bathroom

Me: Blech! I hate this new mouthwash.
TR: What? Why?
Me: It’s the cinnamon flavor. It’s too hot.
TR: Well, there is that.
Me: Plus the taste reminds me of cinnamon poop.
TR: Cinnamon poop? Ew. What the heck is cinnamon poop?

Mendeaux’s Slang Dictionary

cinnamon poop [sin-uh-muhn poop] – noun: The odor encountered in a restroom after someone has used an aerosol air freshener following a particularly nasty bowel movement.

Apologies For My Past Pt. III

This one goes out to my friend LM. Remember all of those pornographic magazines that showed up at your house? The ones your dad was furious over? Um. That was partly my fault. I know you always suspected JM had something to do with it, and it was his idea, but I helped. You see, we went to the newsstand and swiped subscription cards from a bunch of magazines and filled out your name and address, checked “Bill Me Later” and sent them in. We thought it was pretty funny at the time, especially when you got grounded for a month, but now I see that it was wrong. I mean, all of those magazines just thrown into the trash. What a waste of paper and ink. That had to have had a really negative impact on the environment, and I feel terrible about it. So… sorry.