I used to get injuries I could brag about. When I was a kid, I would fall off of my bike while attempting all kinds of wild stunts, or fall out of a tree while trying to climb to the top, or I’d eat dirt while flipping off the monkey bars at school. The older I get, the stupider my injuries sound. For instance, yesterday morning I woke up with a severe pain in my neck, to the point where every time I turn my head to the left my whole body seizes up and I can’t move… and what did I do to earn such pain? I slept with my head tucked underneath my arm. Now that’s something to be proud of!
“How’d you hurt your leg, Joe?”
“Oh, I was running a marathon and a pulled a hamstring.”
“How’d you hurt your shoulder, Bob?”
“Oh, I was skydiving and I came in a little hard.”
“How’d you hurt your neck, Mendeaux?”
“…mmblemmblemble…”
“What?”
“I slept in a weird position.”
See what I mean? I’ve decided that if anyone asks, I was on an expedition to climb to the top of Mt. Everest when our group was caught in an avalanche. When all was said and done, I was the only survivor, but I didn’t come out unscathed.
Shhhh… it’ll be our little secret.
