OK, I don’t know this for a fact. It’s just that I was told by a co-worker that he was on the radio this morning talking about the smell in the bathroom after someone has done the Ol’ Number 2 and sprayed too much air freshener. Apparently he called the smell “rose poop,” because they had flower-scented air freshener. This reminded me of a post I made not too long ago, and started me to wondering, “How many famous people are reading my blog and ripping me off?” Should I be flattered, or disturbed?
In any case, if Danny Bonaduce is reading my blog, I probably ought to apologize for the ginger kid comment I made. I didn’t mean to be offensive. So, sorry, Danny… and by the way, how’s Keith?
Mom? Dad? This apology is to you, and to society at large.
You see, when I was 17, I stayed at John’s house one night when his parents were away and we got drunk. Really drunk. Then we went out driving. Yes, I was a drunk driver. I’m ashamed. I should have known better… Okay… well, we didn’t exactly drive… we played Pole Position on John’s computer all night… but that’s kind of the same thing… and we did crash a lot… and I felt really guilty about it.
This one goes out to my friend LM. Remember all of those pornographic magazines that showed up at your house? The ones your dad was furious over? Um. That was partly my fault. I know you always suspected JM had something to do with it, and it was his idea, but I helped. You see, we went to the newsstand and swiped subscription cards from a bunch of magazines and filled out your name and address, checked “Bill Me Later” and sent them in. We thought it was pretty funny at the time, especially when you got grounded for a month, but now I see that it was wrong. I mean, all of those magazines just thrown into the trash. What a waste of paper and ink. That had to have had a really negative impact on the environment, and I feel terrible about it. So… sorry.
I know that this is a humor blog, so I apologize in advance if you came here for a good laugh. You’re not going to get that today. Today I am sad. I am sad because, for the last three or four days, the big news has been that J.K. Rowling revealed that Dumbledore – Harry Potter’s wise and gentle mentor, and headmaster of Hogwarts – was gay. No, I am not saddened by this revelation. I am saddened that this is considered news. I am particularly saddened by the reaction of some who profess to be followers of Jesus Christ – as predictable as those reactions were. Did you know that every day 16,000 children die of starvation? Why isn’t that news? Where is the moral outrage over that? Maybe it’s time we re-read Matthew 25:31-46. That whole, “love your neighbor as yourself” thing is kind of important – at least it wastoJesus. Maybe we should be focusing on banning hunger before we ban books.
