Overheard in my Car Pt. VII

TR: So, how was your first date?
CC: Mom. I told you. It wasn’t a date. We’re just friends.
Me: Uh huh. Sure.
CC: Daaaad.
TR: Uh huh.
CC: Here, Mom.
TR: What’s this?
CC: The ten bucks you gave me to pay for the movie.
TR: Oh? Did he pay?
CC: Yeah.
TR & Me: It was a date.

Overheard in my Bedroom

Me: [BANGBANGBANGBANG!!!!] CC! Get out of my bathroom right now!!
CC: But, Dad… I really have to go, and TC’s in our bathroom!
Me: I’m late for work, and I have to get in there and get ready! Get out! Now!!
TR: … you blink and…
Me: … but I’m late to wor-
TR: … you blink and…!
Me: [sigh]… CC? Sweetie? I’m sorry. Take as long as you need…

Be careful of the words you blog, for tomorrow, you may have to live by them…

Signs of Life

Overheard in my House

“Daaaaaaaaaad! She won’t get out of my room!”
“It’s my room tooooo!!!”

…

“I need some toilet paper! I need some toilet paper! I need some toilet paper!!”
“Why didn’t you think of that before you sat down!?”

…

“Ack! What did I just step in? EEeeeew! One of the cats threw up on the floor!”

…

“Bark! Bark! Bark!”
“Shut up! Stupid dog! It’s 2:00 in the morning!”

…

“Dad. I need some help with my homework.”
“Okay. What do you need?”
“I have to write a two page paper on chapters 4 and 5 of The Great Gatsby.”
“When is it due?”
“Tomorrow.”
“It’s 10:30 at night, and you’re just bringing this to me now?!”

…

“MMmmoooooommm! She hit me!”
“I did not!”
“Yes you did!”
“Well, you bumped into me!”
“It was an accident!”
“No it wasn’t!”
“Mooooooommmmm!!”

…

“Daddy? Will you read to me?”
“Sure, Binky. Go get our book.”
…

I’m sorry to be so sentimental this early in the morning. I know you probably don’t come here to get all teary-eyed. I just woke up this morning in a mood and felt the need to share it. I’ll probably think better of it, once I’ve had my coffee… I realize that most of the above is probably enough to drive a sane man crazy, especially when you consider that these are only a tiny fraction of the things that go on in our home on a daily basis. But I was thinking this morning about how much I’m going to miss all of this craziness when it’s gone. I guess as you get older you start to realize how temporary everything is. You blink and your children are born, you blink and they’re teenagers, you blink again and they’re moving out (well, I haven’t blinked that much yet, but it’s coming). I think that sometimes we neglect to count our blessings, sometimes we take our blessings for granted, and sometimes we don’t even realize we had any blessings until they’re no longer there. I’d like to be someone that recognizes his blessings… even when they sound like:

[CRASH!!!]
“I’m not hurt!”
“Good… what broke?”

There. That’s enough glurge for one day…

How Momofuku Ando Saved My Family

Instant ramen is probably one of the greatest food inventions ever. At 10 cents a package, it’s hard to beat for a good meal. Oh sure, you could argue that its nutritional value is virtually nil. But there are so many other good things about it, that you can safely ignore that. For instance, there is the fact that if you are hungry, it will make you full. Also a good thing is that fact that it comes in many interesting flavors, such as beef, chicken, shrimp, lime shrimp, teriyaki chicken, teriyaki beef and oriental (I’ll bet you didn’t know the orient even had a particular flavor). You can live off of it for a month and it will have only cost you $9.00 (which is excellent savings if you’re a poor college student, or have more kids than you know what to do with). Of course, your skin may change into an interesting shade of orange by the end of the month, but at least you won’t be starving.

Ramen is practically a main staple in our house, but Friday night it nearly killed us. Let me explain. My youngest daughter has ballet class every Friday night from 6:00 to 7:00. A rather inconvenient time that has been a source of frustration for me, because it means that, a) we don’t get dinner till very late, and b) it means that if my wife and I want to go out on a Friday night we don’t get anywhere until 8:00 (which is pretty close to our bed time (just kidding, we’re not that old yet… sheesh!)). But this is our youngest, our baby, our pride and joy, our little princess (you know, the spoiled one), so we make the sacrifice. Anyway, I digress… This past Friday night when we got home, my daughter decided to cook some ramen for dinner (she had ballet, if you’ll recall, and so hadn’t eaten yet). She put some water in a pan and placed it on the stove to heat it up, then went into the living room to watch a movie with her sisters. Unfortunately, she had failed to notice the plastic strainer that her sisters had left sitting next to the burner when they had made macaroni and cheese (another main staple… we spare no expense when feeding our children) earlier in the evening.

I walked out of my bedroom, having just finished my t.v. dinner (Banquet’s “Rib Shaped” Meat dinner, if you must know. I told you we dine like royalty) and into the kitchen and found the plastic strainer engulfed in flames. I think I yelled something like, “AAAAaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!” and started running around frantically, trying to remember where we kept the fire extinguisher. In my panicked state, and not wanting to waste anymore time, I looked for a portion of the strainer that was not on fire, grabbed it and flung it across the room into the sink (luckily it’s a small kitchen, and my aim was good), where I dowsed it with water.

It was extremely fortunate that I went into the kitchen when I did. The whole thing could have been a lot worse. The only real damage was to the plastic strainer, which wouldn’t even strain an elephant in its current state (see picture to the left). The house smells like burned plastic, but I’m sure that will fade in time. The kids have been banned from making ramen for the rest of their lives… okay, I made that up… but I did give them a good talking to about cleaning up after they make macaroni and cheese (or anything else, for that matter). I also lectured them about keeping an eye on what flammable materials might be sitting on top of the stove before cooking anything. Perhaps Someone up on high was watching out for us… I like to think that it was the spirit of Momofuku Ando bending God’s ear to intervene on behalf of some of his best customers. Perhaps… perhaps.

Fatherhood Revisited

Sixteen years ago yesterday, a young 23 year old man sat in a hospital cafe staring at his uneaten hamburger with a dazed and confused look on his face. One thing kept running through his mind over and over and over again.

“Woah. I’m a dad. I’m not sure I’m ready for this…”

Yesterday, as that same man – now considerably older – hugged his daughter and wished her a “Happy Sweet 16th!” One thing kept running through his mind over and over and over again.

“Woah. I’m a dad. I’m not sure I’m ready for this…”