Overheard in my Kitchen

Me: I wonder if a thousand years from now archaeologists will dig up a jar of this peanut butter, read “Sealed for Your Protection” and conclude that the jar contains something sinister.

TR: It does.

Overheard in my Bedroom Pt. II

Me: I need a new pair of blue slacks. These are falling apart.

TR: What size do you wear?

Me: Between a 34 and a 36. So 35, I guess… but they don’t make odd sizes.

TR: They do, they just don’t make many of them, so they’re hard to find.

Me: Yeah. I think the ratio’s like 50 to 1.

TR: Something like that.

Me: Or, more likely, every few hundred pairs of pants, some worker measures wrong, and they go “Oops. Can’t throw those out, slap a 35 label on it.”

Overheard In My Living Room III

Me: Hon, I’ve been thinking I’d like to get a Wacom tablet.
TR: That would be cool. I think you should.
Me: Really?
TR: I’ll tell you what. You can get a Wacom tablet, if you let me buy a new couch and love seat.
Me: Let me get this straight. If I let you spend $1500 on something you want, you’ll let me spend $300 on something I want?
TR: Yep.
Me: That sounds fair.

Overheard In My Bathroom

Me: Blech! I hate this new mouthwash.
TR: What? Why?
Me: It’s the cinnamon flavor. It’s too hot.
TR: Well, there is that.
Me: Plus the taste reminds me of cinnamon poop.
TR: Cinnamon poop? Ew. What the heck is cinnamon poop?

Mendeaux’s Slang Dictionary

cinnamon poop [sin-uh-muhn poop] – noun: The odor encountered in a restroom after someone has used an aerosol air freshener following a particularly nasty bowel movement.

Overheard in my Car Pt. VIII

VM: Do you need any ketchup Dad?
Me: I’m eating chicken. You don’t put ketchup on chicken. Gross!
TR: I do.
Me: Unless you’re Mom.
CC: Yeah. Mom thinks ketchup is an entrée.
Me: Ew.
TR: Yeah. I used to eat ketchup packets for lunch when I was in high school.
Me: Oh, gross!