Today is Halloween, which is a holiday I’ve never really understood. This is quite possibly because I grew up in a conservative-Christian home, and we were taught that Halloween was Satan’s holiday. Instead of trick-or-treating, we went to “Harvest Parties” where we dressed up as Bible characters instead of ghosts, goblins and superheroes. The last time I went to one of these things (in Jr. High), I went as Noah’s Ark. A friend of mine went as Adam (prior to The Fall). I thought he should have won a prize for originality, but he got kicked out… Christians. No sense of humor.
My inability to catch the Halloween spirit might also stem from other childhood experiences. Because my parents didn’t realize how “evil” Halloween was until I was about 9, I do have some normal memories of Halloween. Unfortunately, none of them are very good. In 2nd grade, I dressed up as Batman. That sounds exciting, but it really wasn’t. I cut the mask out from the back of a cereal box, so it was made of cheap cardboard. I had to affix it to my head with tape and rubber bands. To add insult to injury, the only thing my mom could find for me to use as a cape was a bed sheet. That wouldn’t have been so bad if the sheet hadn’t been white. I wore the thing to school, and was told in numerous ways that I was the “stupidest looking Batman ever.” On the last Halloween we celebrated, I dressed up as C-3P0. Again, this sounds more exciting than it was. It was a store-bought costume, which was a step up, but that’s as far as it went for improvements. When I wore it to school I found out that my friend, Danny, got a Darth Vader costume which was infinitely more cool. I suppose I should have been happy for Danny, because he was a ginger kid and didn’t get much positive attention, but I was jealous. I mean, who wants to be an effeminate droid when you could be the Evil Dark Lord of the Sith?
But I don’t really think that’s it. For one thing, I’m not quite so anally retentive that I think celebrating Halloween is going to turn my children into psychopathic devil-worshipers, regardless of what I was told when I was young. For another thing, even though I really do want a Darth Vader costume, I don’t think it has to do with emotional trauma I suffered in the 4th grade. No, I think my problem with Halloween stems from the many contradictions inherent in the holiday. For example, can someone tell me why people normally laugh at cosplayers, but on Halloween it’s okay to emulate them? And why do we spend 364 days a year telling children not to take candy from strangers, but on this one night we encourage them to go door-to-door and beg for the stuff? I’m confused… but, then again, maybe I am too anally retentive. Maybe I should just relax, shut up and eat another candy corn.
Happy Halloween.
